To all the beautiful people who read my blog, I want to apologise for being so terribly slack with it this year. Other priorities have taken over, one of which includes the opening of our Richmond Yoga Studio, but in hindsight I should never have stopped blogging. It grounds me. It brings me back to myself the same way yoga does. It’s a meditation in and of itself for me. As I write this now, I feel this incredible weight shifting from my shoulders, something that has been piling up since I stopped writing. And given it’s been a while, there is some serious weight there!
So what’s been happening? Well - a lot really! I’m engaged (wedding is November 2019), I’ve traveled to Bali for a wedding, I’ve hosted a blissful weekend yoga retreat in Mt Buffalo, I’ve opened our second studio in Richmond, hired another 15 teachers (we have 30 teachers now!), I’m heading back to Bali in a week for our next yoga retreat (eek - cannot wait!!!) and then I’ll be heading away with my family to the snow for the week.
This year, and especially the past few months, have been particularly busy for me. And I’m sure everyone can relate to having periods in their lives where they feel totally under the pump. I’m really feeling this at the moment. But like anything, I also know it will pass.
Last week, after returning from a fly in, fly out trip to Bali for a wedding, I walked into my kitchen, stood in front of Owen and just said - “I’m not coping.” It had suddenly dawned on me that I was so depleted energetically and physically that it had all caught up to me. Very temporarily I just felt defeated. I explained to Owen that I’ve finally realised I’ve been juggling too many balls in the air at once, and that I felt as if I were to drop one, suddenly everything would fall apart. The reality is - yes I’m juggling a lot, however, no it’s not going to fall apart. It just makes me human and whatever challenge that comes as a result of ‘not keeping it together all the time’ is surely rectifiable.
Something really interesting happened the moment I had this realisation, and SHARED it with my fiance - which is why I wanted to share this story with you all. The MOMENT I told him what was happening for me there was a shift. I felt safe, I felt like I was on the up rather than continuing to spiral downward. I suddenly accepted myself wholeheartedly without judgement and felt this need to metaphorically give myself a hug. To reassure myself everything will be OK and that this is just a busy time which too shall pass. Prior to being vulnerable about the mental state I found myself in (which I think I had been denying as I feel it’s OK for everyone else to struggle, but it’s not OK for me to), I felt like I was drowning. That everything was suddenly too much and I couldn’t see past myself. The bigger picture was fading away as the overwhelm had taken over. But literally the moment I spoke to Owen, suddenly everything lifted. It was as though the stress, worry and anxiety was never there. Energy levels immediately got a boost and I was back to making healthy choices for myself. All in a matter of seconds. All because I finally stopped, accepted how I was feeling and then had the courage to speak to the love of my life about it.
Another crucial part of this 180 degree in-the-moment shift was in being able to share my feelings openly and honestly with someone who I knew would not judge or try to change how I felt. But rather, someone who would just listen and try to understand. He looked at me, I cried, he put his arms around me and just held me. In that moment, I realised I was never alone. I never needed to carry so much weight on my shoulders. Had I been open and honest sooner, I would never have gotten to this point. And in all honesty, this is not the first time its taken getting to overwhelm before opening up. It’s happened multiple times before because I’m a classic example of someone who has HUGE and often unrealistic expectations of herself. And every time, I then remember it is important to speak up sooner. To have honest discussions about where I’m at, physically, emotionally and mentally. Because only when you talk to people can people help you if needed. Only when you share do you feel supported.
Since that night in the kitchen, everything has improved as my judgement is no longer cloudy (which can creep up on you if you’re not careful). My productivity, teaching, relationships and business have all improved as there is clarity now. I feel prepared to take on the challenges that no doubt lay ahead and instead of worrying about more challenges inevitably popping up, I welcome them.
If you’re feeling stuck - my best advice is to speak to someone. Something truly shifts the moment you do this. Whilst it doesn’t fix the situation, your perspective changes and your ability to cope fundamentally improves. The cloud will begin to lift.
Don’t be silly like I was and hold onto tension or worries that are no doubt not worth your energy or time. Speak up, find solutions and look for the opportunity. Life is so much more enjoyable when we can look at these worries more objectively. You start to see solutions you couldn’t see before. And from there, you find hope.
Thank you all for your continued support of our beautiful TWO studios! Not only are we working to support all of you, it turns out you’re a massive support to me too.
Much love and big hugs,