Forever young

 
 

For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a grown up. I wanted to wear high heels, make-up, have big boobs (they never came!), have my own car, a successful career…. As the baby of eight children, I always felt left out, too little to stay up late at night, too short to go on the rides - you know how it goes. Watching my siblings do everything that big people do, I just always wanted to be big too! Turns out, my childhood disappeared all too quickly (I recall being warned this would happen, but who believes adults when they’re little!) - and with the big 3-0 looming up next week, let’s just say I’ve been doing a heap of reflection about my life. Where have I come from? What have I achieved? Where am I headed? A scary, exciting and eye opening experience to have - one I highly recommend we take time to do more often.

This morning, while walking Tyrone (the Chug), I took some time to sit on the playground as he sniffed around the picnic tables scavenging for leftovers (I swear he would eat himself to death if given the chance). While watching him and being acutely aware that I was sitting in the playground, I started trying to think back to when life became serious. When the fun stopped and why I feel like a huge chunk of my life, the chunk that involved a little girl playing without a care in the world, ended? All too soon I became a grown up. Playgrounds were for kids and God help me if I was going to be a kid. Because of an intense desire to grow up, I lost the young, silly, innocent years all too soon.

I use to hold onto preconceived ideas about how I must look and behave as a grown up - hence the property portfolio, excelling corporate career and ever increasing stress levels (that was my life). I felt pressured to have the Uni degree so as to ensure I would have opportunities to move into prestigious roles and work for someone else to ensure job (or money) security. I needed to prove to the world, to my family more likely, that I too can be a big person who does what big people do (what that is, I still don’t know. Clearly my interpretation of adulthood was warped).

Truth is - this life I thought I should be leading, or that I thought was the life of a grown up, turned out to be mundane, uninspiring and a little soul destroying to be totally frank. Interestingly enough, however, what I’ve come to realise is I’m younger now than I have been for much of my life. And thankfully, however, on the brink of turning 30, after having made huge decisions that have left me with zero job security but the freedom to do what I love every day (yes, that would be yoga), I’ve realised that I spend more time playing, being young, silly, laughing, walking around barefoot with my hair down now than what I ever have - and I’ve never had more fun.

I feel so lucky to be cruising into my thirties with a new lease on life. That I’m choosing my path rather than having it chosen for me. That I’m content with being young and not trying to fit in with the ‘big kids’. To be the author of my life is immensely challenging, but it is real, and I know I’m going to have the time of my life writing this next chapter.

Here’s to being authentic, staying young and enjoying exactly where we are on this crazy adventure called life.

Passport - check! Visa..... near check!!

It’s official - it’s all happening. Yesterday my new passport arrived (i’m still in shock by how much older i look compared with my old passport) and today I submitted my India Visa application!

I’ve never manually applied for a Visa and I now know why! It’s quite involved. I called the help desk of the Indian Consulate about 4 times to make sure I was filling everything in correctly - but I got there in the end. Flight Centre in Norwood recommended I do the application myself as it would save money. About 50% infact compared to what I would have paid had i asked the travel agent to do this on my behalf.

Owen laughed at me when told him I answered the question of “Verification Mark” as freckles on my arms. He was quick to remind me i had a tattoo. Oops. Totally forgot about that one!! It’s on my back so its an honest mistake lol.

I’m on my lunch break now and just submitted my application for processing. I’m a little nervous as they have a) taken my passport and b) wont have a response for about 3 weeks! The week before Christmas - and they shut down over Christmas so this is cutting it fine! I asked if I should hold off on purchasing my flights and the response was “yes”. A little frustrating as I would love to get this all sorted now - but really, i don’t care. So long as I’m sitting in class on my mat at 5.00am on the 1st of Feb 2015 in Mysore, India - then i’m not fussed.

With regards to my work, rather than thinking about work I find myself (at my desk) completely focused on the journey which lies ahead. I realised so long ago that a life spent sitting in meetings to plan other meetings is not my idea of fun, and offers little meaning. I often find myself standing by the printer, waiting for my documents to come out, thinking “what the hell am I doing with my life”. But now - although I am still stuck there for the next few weeks - I can’t help but feel a sense of freedom. This is a feeling I have not experienced before. Even with all my other travels, I have always known they would end with a return to a job, and life, which didn’t inspire me. Knowing now that I am choosing my path, that i am beginning a life which brings absolute joy, is the most exhilarating thing I have ever done. And i wonder why I haven’t done this sooner…

Sitting here now, I am trying to remember the feeling of terror I experienced every time I thought about this “dream” - but it’s not there anymore. It’s as though i have come too far now to feel terror anymore. To worry. And it’s not as though I am a lone ranger with no responsibilities in my life. I have a lot to be nervous about; for one I am leaving my partner Owen (my world) and my pug (my other world) behind for 3 months, and two I have a lot of debt under my belt by having a property portfolio (all in my name). So there is a lot to worry about - and yet, I’m not. I was! Absolutely I was. But not now. The calm is almost eerie for someone like me. All i know is, I have made the best possible decision I could have for my life at this time. And I am I so excited about what is to come.

India here i come!! (pending Visa lol)

xx