A wonderful realization

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Today is my holiday Sunday (as they call it in India - my weekends shall always be called ‘holidays’ from now on). It’s such a wonderful time to stop and reflect on the week just gone, gather my thoughts, respond to any emails I haven’t had a chance to look at, prepare for the week to come and more importantly, to just ‘be’.

When you’re alone in the world and have a day to relax, the hours can feel like months. It’s amazing how life can really slow down if you allow it.

With only washing and food to worry about, today I decided to spend some time working on the content for my yoga website that I will create for my future business. (I’m meant to be just resting today but I really enjoy this stuff so I consider it resting). In doing so, I realised something so overwhelmingly beautiful and exciting whilst playing with ideas for my website and new business venture, and that was how truly happy I am with the path I am now on. Of course, a true yogi does not get attached to things, so I need to be mindful of this, but for the first time in my life I feel like I am actually doing something which brings so much joy to my life. Bliss as some would say. I couldn’t think of anything more wonderful than sharing my time with other practitioners who want to learn this beautiful, life giving practice.

Not to sound like a complete nut bag whose overly emotional following yesterdays cleansing technique, but this actually brought tears to my eyes. Of course I have known all this time how much I love yoga, but something today made me truly ‘feel’ yoga. For years I have searched for a passion, a love, something which I want to aspire to be great at, that I want to devote my life to learning. There are many people who are fortunate enough to have worked this out very early in their lives, but for me it wasn’t so simple. I’ve dabbled in many things, and had many hobbies, but nothing that has ever fulfilled me the way yoga has/does. And for that, I am so grateful. Of course this may not be the case forever. I appreciate we are all everchanging, but for now, I am truly content with where I’m headed.

Coming to Mysore really has been the journey of a lifetime and thank goodness I had the courage to do it. My only hope is that everyone else out there is following their passions also, whatever they may be. If we only get this chance once, then what other choice do we have?

Enjoy the week to come. May it be truly fulfilling and full of wonderful moments.

Namaste xx

Self belief - so fickle. Wouldn't you agree?

Let’s just say today was one of those days of fluctuating between believing in yourself and thinking you’re an absolute joke. Chatting with Owen today, the theme of self belief came up. If you’ve read my blog or know me personally, you would know my intentions are to share my learnings from India with the rest of the world as a teacher. I also intend to own my own business one day, with a studio and also hosting retreats in luxury accommodation. Where my students are treated to a few days of complete respite, to allow their tired bodies to rejuvenate, relinquishing all worries for a few days. To experience the absolute bliss yoga can offer. This is what I dream to do. But today I was really honest with Owen about my personal doubts in my own ability to actually ‘pull this off’. The negative voices in my head, which try so hard to take over, are there constantly. But I know I cannot give into them. I know any self doubt will stop me from carving the path, the life, I dream of. So I have to actively cancel these thoughts. Not pay attention to them. To remind myself that anything is possible if you want it enough. If you work hard enough at it. I truly believe this, and I know my dreams for yoga will be realized soon. But again, as I mentioned before, there are days when I need to work harder to conjure up positive messages of self belief. I think this is called life.

I’m a doer in life. As the baby of eight children, I worked out pretty early on if I wanted something, I needed to get it myself. Especially as an adult, this is how I have always operated. Because I am fortunate enough to have found a true passion which gives meaning to my life, yoga, I am now committed to realising these dreams. To achieve my goals. I am firm about the opinions I will listen to and accept versus those which offer nothing and should be ignored. One has to be. This also goes for the messages I tell myself, as I said earlier. I am so strict with what thoughts/beliefs I will allow into my life and which ones I will choose not to indulge. Anything which says I can’t do something, for example, is something I choose to ignore. If I don’t do this, (and I believe this to be true for everyone), then I wouldn’t be here in India following my heart. Or if I made it this far but allowed self doubt to creep in, then I certainly wouldn’t see my training through. It would be far easier to fly home to the man and pooch whom I miss desperately. But what kind of life would that be? I know I cannot give up on myself. And nor should anyone.

I guess the point I’m getting at is - everyone else can see potential in others and yet the person themselves often cannot see the potential in themself. Why do we all struggle so much to see the good in ourselves, to see the immense strength and courage we all possess within? If everyone were brave enough to look inside and trust themselves, the possibilities of what could be achieved are limitless. Boundless. Maybe we all need to take a huge look in the mirror and ask ourselves - “am I living my life how I had always hoped to live it?” If the answer is no, then ask “what do I need to do to create that life?” Then do that. And let go of the self doubt. It does not serve you.

The clock is ticking and we don’t know when it will stop. So if ever there is a time to listen to yourself and just go for it - it’s now. That’s is why I’m here. Because I suddenly realised, tomorrow will never come. Food for thought.

Namaste xx


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Because anything is possible!

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Local shoe repairer

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My street

Hello Kakasana - my new friend!

Ecstatic. Bliss. Overjoyed. I’m feeling all this right now. After an intensive session this afternoon (I’m not joking!), I’m feeling over the moon about my progress. Tonight was probably one of my strongest practices ever. It is incredible what the body can do within two weeks with the right technique, discipline and trust (of your teacher). Not only have I finally achieved the foundation for Sirsasana (head stand) which I have been working on for over a year now, but tonight I conquered Kakasana!!!! Every class, I constantly remind myself to be stronger, to feel the posture and notice what is going on with my body. I work so hard at noticing everything - but until now, no matter how focused I thought I was, Kakasana never came. Well, tonight it did. Only for a about 10-20 strong seconds, but it was there. Sweat dripping off my forehead and arms slipping off my legs, I still managed to get there and hold it with control. What made this achievement so much greater was - when I came down and lifted my head I noticed my teacher was squatting with another student (obviously about to help him) but his eyes were on me. With a very gentle smile and nod of the head, I could see he was so proud of my progress. I’m not here to be liked, I am here to train, but when you share a moment like that with a master (of any art form) it is truly precious and that moment will stay with me forever.

Earlier today I was hoping to present to my class however without any notification, we are now presenting to the entire group of thirty students! Unfortunately I wasn’t selected to present, however I am hoping to tomorrow. Of course a huge part of me wants to hide and not get picked at all - but that is exactly why I want to be selected. I need to challenge those fearful parts of myself so I can conquer them and progress toward becoming a great teacher. So again, tonight is back to the books.

I spend every spare moment with my face in my books. I was a little frustrated about that at lunch today. Sitting in my favourite Depth n Green cafe with my vegan Thali and mat by my side at the table, I had a moment of feeling a bit sorry for myself with the amount of pressure I’m under - we are under. But then I quickly snapped back into reality and remembered; “Jessica, you are in India, training with a guru having the most authentic experience possible. What better experience could you get? And how great will this training be when it comes to teaching my own classes back home?” I very quickly snapped myself out of this thought process and continued to read/study. At the end of the day - I am not here to socialise, or even see India (for now). I am here to do exactly what I’m doing - study. The added bonus is I have no other distractions. I don’t have to go to work, or try and find new accommodation every couple of days - I am set up and as prepared as I will ever be. So suck it up and keep going.

Note to self - with difficulties comes growth. Never forget this.

Namaste xx


On my street…

Do you see what I see?

New sidewalk being made