It sucked at the time, but I needed it

Jessica Dewar Yoga_Badha Padmasana.jpg

I miss home. I do. Driving through the familiar streets of Adelaide is such a treat having been away for so long now. There is something so comforting in the familiar. Nostalgia maybe?

I’ve been practicing at Adelaide Ashtanga Yoga Shala under the guidance of Youngblood these past couple of mornings and it has been so special training there.  As I write this, I’m trying to work out what the ‘specialness’ I’ve experienced is? I can’t describe it… Maybe this is the more spiritual side of the practice peeping through? Possibly. I’m not the most articulate and so trying to share what spirituality is for me is difficult. My simple explanation would be that it (spirituality) exists as a feeling, an experience of deep connection. Pure focus and concentration. A feeling of being united and a part of something bigger than myself. Whilst this is something I also feel as I step onto the mat in India, at home or in the Shala in Melbourne, it feels somehow different here – in my home town. I shall continue to sit with this feeling to try and understand it a little better – or maybe I don’t need to understand it, just be present to it perhaps? Hmm…

As I drove the perfectly straight line home following class, along the quiet roads of Adelaide, I traveled past one of my old offices. An office I loved and achieved a great many things in, but also a place where I pushed personal limits far too far to the point of near burnout. Looking at the tree that remains outside my old office window, memories flooded back. Memories of good times with colleagues but also some very stressful, unhappy times. Times where I felt life had lost its purpose. That I’d fallen into a routine of ‘get up, go to work, attend countless meetings, go home, go to bed’. Whilst my career in Rehabilitation was extremely important and I will never regret the experience, I knew in my heart of hearts I needed more. I wanted to be able to give more, but in a way that didn’t take from me. I wanted to share my knowledge with those who were open and willing to receive it. I dreamed of a more meaningful life. And funnily enough, a simpler life, where I had time to appreciate the special moments that are but fleeting. I knew very early in my career that I did not want to reach the end of my life having wished I’d done it differently. That I’d had the courage to let go of the salary and material luxuries in pursuit of something bigger – and I’m not referring to money here.

As I drove past my old office it brought up so many emotions for me. Emotions of resentment, anger and disappointment, but moreso, emotions of gratitude, peace and appreciation. For if it weren’t for the experiences I’ve had over the years, then I wouldn’t be the person I am today. The same passion or dream for a kinder world may not exist, or at the very least be as strong, had I not seen what I’ve seen. Experienced what I’ve experienced. My career has been fundamental in shaping who I am and this only leads me to believe everything happens for a reason. Our lessons come in many forms, we just need to be open and willing enough to receive them.

So on that note, I want to dedicate this post to every colleague I’ve ever worked with here in Adelaide, including those who I was not the fondest of or who were not the fondest of me. Thank you for helping me to become the woman I am today. I have learned something from you all.

For those of you who are reading this blog and are very unhappy in your work, or feel the work you’re doing is not adding value or giving you meaning. I encourage you to look a little deeper and a little further into the future. There is always something positive to be gained. Always. It could be the opportunity to learn and develop a particular skill, it could be that you have a terrible boss which motivates you to be a better person, a better leader. It could be that you’ve suffered an injury at work and have lost confidence in your ability to ever return to the work you once did. Not only is this an opportunity to learn something new, but also an opportunity to help others who may have suffered something similar. Whatever it is, try shifting your perspective ever so slightly to find the good because I promise when you do, your entire world changes. It becomes lighter, more positive and full of possibility. This is where I believe true freedom exists.

Sending love and light to you all,

Jessica xx