Ecstatic. Bliss. Overjoyed. I’m feeling all this right now. After an intensive session this afternoon (I’m not joking!), I’m feeling over the moon about my progress. Tonight was probably one of my strongest practices ever. It is incredible what the body can do within two weeks with the right technique, discipline and trust (of your teacher). Not only have I finally achieved the foundation for Sirsasana (head stand) which I have been working on for over a year now, but tonight I conquered Kakasana!!!! Every class, I constantly remind myself to be stronger, to feel the posture and notice what is going on with my body. I work so hard at noticing everything - but until now, no matter how focused I thought I was, Kakasana never came. Well, tonight it did. Only for a about 10-20 strong seconds, but it was there. Sweat dripping off my forehead and arms slipping off my legs, I still managed to get there and hold it with control. What made this achievement so much greater was - when I came down and lifted my head I noticed my teacher was squatting with another student (obviously about to help him) but his eyes were on me. With a very gentle smile and nod of the head, I could see he was so proud of my progress. I’m not here to be liked, I am here to train, but when you share a moment like that with a master (of any art form) it is truly precious and that moment will stay with me forever.
Earlier today I was hoping to present to my class however without any notification, we are now presenting to the entire group of thirty students! Unfortunately I wasn’t selected to present, however I am hoping to tomorrow. Of course a huge part of me wants to hide and not get picked at all - but that is exactly why I want to be selected. I need to challenge those fearful parts of myself so I can conquer them and progress toward becoming a great teacher. So again, tonight is back to the books.
I spend every spare moment with my face in my books. I was a little frustrated about that at lunch today. Sitting in my favourite Depth n Green cafe with my vegan Thali and mat by my side at the table, I had a moment of feeling a bit sorry for myself with the amount of pressure I’m under - we are under. But then I quickly snapped back into reality and remembered; “Jessica, you are in India, training with a guru having the most authentic experience possible. What better experience could you get? And how great will this training be when it comes to teaching my own classes back home?” I very quickly snapped myself out of this thought process and continued to read/study. At the end of the day - I am not here to socialise, or even see India (for now). I am here to do exactly what I’m doing - study. The added bonus is I have no other distractions. I don’t have to go to work, or try and find new accommodation every couple of days - I am set up and as prepared as I will ever be. So suck it up and keep going.
Note to self - with difficulties comes growth. Never forget this.
On my street…
Do you see what I see?
New sidewalk being made