I always knew it was going to be a challenge coming home, but it’s certainly been more challenging than anticipated. Having the ‘normal’ stresses back in my life is certainly a wake up call. Whether than be money, work, angry people in supermarkets… I’ve been finding myself constantly having to ‘check in’ and see how I’m feeling. To consciously choose not to be negatively impacted by this. To remember what I learned whilst traveling and the gratitude i felt for the life I have here. It’s still here - the gratitude, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this can be a real challenge at times.
When I look deeply, I know a part of me is quite nervous about beginning classes next week. It’s an overwhelming fear of failing. But not trying would be the ultimate failure.
I’m prepared for no students showing up to my first few classes, as Bharath told us to expect. I haven’t got the funds for any real marketing at the moment, so this wouldn’t help with pulling students either…
Maybe my feeling of being a little off center is the reality of actually starting this new life. There is a part of me, an insecure part of self, which doesn’t feel worthy of such a wonderful path (teaching yoga). Again, this is something I need to work on actively - to remind myself that I am absolutely worth this. That I have worked hard to have this opportunity, and now it’s time to seek it. I know I’m not the only person out there who has such thoughts - this blog will no doubt resonate with many others. Hopefully, it will remind others to actively tell themselves they too are worth it. That they, you, deserve to see your dreams come true. The concept of death puts everything into perspective for me - and hopefully those following this blog - as morbid as it sounds, remembering that we only have this moment, right now. It shall never come again - so live it to it’s full, doing what you love. This reminder brings me back every time.
So, note to self - listen deeply, differentiate what’s true and untrue in your (my) mind, and always believe in yourself (myself). You’re the only one who can.
It’s all about balance!