Well… I’ve toyed with the idea of whether I actually write this post and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, or keep this one to myself. But in my typical Jessica way, the stubborn way, whereby I need to make sure I am being completely genuine and honest in what I write and the experiences I have, I decided to go forth and type. So here I am.
Let’s paint a picture to begin. Over a month ago, we were told by Bharath to spend about 5-10 minutes each night sitting in Virasana to help our digestive system. Essentially this prepares your bowels for being completely emptied in the morning (at 4.00am) before going to class. This is ideal before training. Now, I haven’t been doing this as regularly as I should so my ‘movements’ (yes, I’m going there) haven’t been as ideal as I know Bharath would want. Well - let’s just say this morning, prior to class, was one of those “oh no” moments. Movements were a little too ‘moving’ for my liking. Attached to my toilet at 4.30am this morning I was not sure if I was going to make it to class, let alone get through the class!
Again, determined Jessica was committed to pulling up her pants and getting her butt down to the Shala. As I am always early, I did a few hip opening exercises and then just lay on my mat, heels pressing each other, trying to deeply breathe and remind myself over and over - “you can do this, you are not sick, ”.
Class began and I was a little slower than normal, determined to make it through but, considering my circumstances, take it a little easier. The first half of the class was ok, a grumble here and there which I was super alert to, but overall it was ok. But as the Vinyasa started to get more intense, and everything was becoming weaker, I could slowly feel my bowels becoming more and more ready to explode. I literally had visualizations of me being in something like Chakrasana and then - “shit!” It got to a point where I wasn’t sure if I was sweating from the class or from holding my butt cheeks together. If I had farted it would have been all over!! This is the ‘not so pretty side’ of both yoga and India as a whole. Thankfully there were no incontinent moments, but I swear I was on the verge. Then Sirsasana came. Maintaining balance on my head, legs now spread apart, I was actually pretty chuffed with myself. It’s amazing what we can do if we put our mind to it. And man was my mind trying to focus on anything but my ass.
After class we then had a torturing half hour of pranayama. As you notice even more deeply what’s going on with your body, I was starting to get worried I wouldn’t make it home. There is a big hill to climb in between the Shala and my apartment and I was not sure I was capable. God help me.
To make matters worse, the lovely reception boys love to chat with me in the morning. To ask questions about Australia etc. Not only did they want to speak with me but they made me wait as they went and got me a bottle of water from upstairs (as they know I drink a lot of water and wanted me to have this as a gift). I said no but they insisted. With the sweat dripping, I knew I needed to wait as there was no way I was walking into my room with the risk I would not be able to get off the toilet to answer the door when they brought me the water. So I stood there, at my door, toilet so near yet so far, waiting. Breathing. Clenching. Seriously - just one of those mornings where I had to work so hard to remember why I’m here, to maintain the determination - mostly to not ‘lose myself’.
I’m not sure what suddenly happened today. I’m not sick (touch wood) but something I’ve ingested clearly didn’t go down well.
Moral of the story - if all else fails - just close your eyes, breathe and clench!
Have a great day!